Welcome, my fellow Observers, to the final weeks of 2015 and the last weekend before we head into the dreaded "holidays". As we all get ready to pretend to actually enjoy all the season has to offer, we have to prepare ourselves for the next 6 weeks that will bring us long trips, that allow us practice pasting on all those "good to see you" smiles that we reserve for the relatives we try desperately to avoid the other 10 1/2 months of the year. Fighting each other at the department stores (to the death sometimes) over the last "Tickle Me Cabbage Patch Furbie Beanie Baby riding a Razor Scooter". Eating food we can't stand to be polite and gaining weight while doing it that will take at least until the spring to shed.... if we ever do. Endless cards to fill out and mail, charity fleecings, Christmas light failures (after we hang them), black Fridays, cyber Mondays, parking space rage, and "doorbusters" that become "walletbreakers".
Another thing we have to deal with is the latest holiday controversy.... we have a new one every year. We do have our perennial yuletide favorites such as having to say "Happy Holidays" in lieu of "Merry Christmas". No candy (because it's not nutritious), gingerbread men (because they are filled with gluten and chauvinism) or Santa (because everyone doesn't believe, you know, so don't push your religion) at our children's "Holiday" parties at school. (How's that no fat cheese spread on that no sugar added bran muffin on that plain white paper plate kids?.... Ho Ho Ho everyone!) Non-Christians being offended by Christian displays and Christians being offended by them and their offense, just to name a few that go along with Frosty and Rudolph. And just as sure as a new year will eventually come around the "Auld Lang Syne" corner, those of us that utilize logic in our every day lives are going to have to suffer these politically correct or moral majority pinheads that only open their mouths because they've fallen in love with their own voices right along with the ridiculous views and ideals that they preach.
This year, my loyal reader, we have a thankful, silent night, ball dropping three way tie for the first place idiosyncratic, asinine, waste of time tongue wagging, tree topping trophy. Yes... we love our controversies almost as much as we love our holidays. Sometimes even more so when you consider the gifts we've received and the relatives we've endured over the years. That annual fruitcake from grandma that mysteriously never seems to change and Druncle John hanging out under the mistletoe all night with his martini come to mind. And although most people wouldn't be caught dead wearing that ugly Christmas sweater with the questionable slogan, snow flakes and reindeer print on it that Aunt Nancy gave you last year, some are insisting that their coffee cup at least adorns the pattern while not wanting football teams to dress in red and green for the big game.
If you've been keeping track of the latest newscasts, your probably already ahead of me, but I'll explain for those of you that are out of the holly jolly loop. Our first nominee for the "Get a Life" grand prize is two holiday orientated slogan sweater/sweatshirts that have gotten two stores into the festive controversy crosshairs. Nordstrom with it's "Chai, Maintenance" Hanukkah sweater and Target with their OCD (obsessive Christmas disorder) sweatshirt that have drawn criticism from mental health advocates and anti-defamation activists. So much, in fact, that Nordstrom has apologized publicly and pulled their sweater from it's shelves nationwide in an attempt to quell all the hoopla over it. Target, on the other hand, has not followed suit and has maintained carrying their argumentative clothing in their stores and online. Two attempts at holiday humor and two different courses of actions brought on by the reactions of people who can't take a joke. Some have even found controversy within the controversy by citing that Target has tolerance for marketing irreverence while Nordstrom does not. In other words, some claim that Target could care less who they offend. As far as I'm concerned, I think Target's way of thinking is onto something. Taking offense about something is a relative matter. Some will laugh, some will gasp and some simply won't get the joke. To those of you that gasp, I say, turn the channel and keep your offense to yourself. There are more important things that you should concern yourself with besides what other people find humorous and spewing out your sanctimonious disdain because you don't. At the end of the season... It's just a T-shirt.
Next up, Starbucks removing Christmas from their cups because they hate Jesus. At least that's Joshua Feuerstein's explanation for the coffee giant's simple "red" design holiday cups devoid of Christmas imagery. Yes, Starbucks removed all the snowflakes, candy canes, Christmas trees, Santa and his reindeer that they have used in the past and opted for a plain red cup with, of course, their logo in the center. This marketing move has brought the company the wreath loving wrath of some Christians like Feuerstein who claims to be an evangelist, internet and social media personality. He has posted a video that has become viral (another word I hate) on the subject that accuses Starbucks of hating Jesus and Christmas and protests these self perceived transgressions by buying their coffee, telling the ground slingers (I refuse to call these unskilled bozos "baristas") behind the counter that his name is "Merry Christmas" so they'll write it on his cup and while doing so wears his "Jesus is Colorblind" t-shirt and because Starbucks hates the 2nd amendment (according to him), carries his gun on him while inside the store. Viola! Instant Justice! That'll teach them, Joshy! The only thing I find more disturbing than this idiot's opinion is that he actually has people agreeing with him and posting videos of themselves doing the same thing to show their "reason for the season" solidarity.
What I don't understand and these morons don't comprehend is just what exactly do most of these images have to do with Christianity in the first place?
Candy canes, according to folklore, were used as bribes to keep kids quiet in church and were shaped like Shepard poles to justify giving children candy during worship.
Christmas trees started as a pagan European practice of Nordic Druid tree worship and the tradition just happened to survive the transition to Christianity.
Although the iconic image and origin we now follow have some Christian roots, our modern day Santa Claus and his reindeer are essentially an American marketing bastardization of a Christian priest named Nicholas that was canonized. All this brought to life in our hearths and hearts by an editorial cartoonist named Thomas Nast who penned the Santa we all relate to for an ad campaign in 1862 for Harper's Weekly. The most prominent offshoot marketing result has to be Coca-Cola's take on Nast's Santa in their ads that started in the early 1920s.
And let's not forget that the Christians should have a serious problem with the Starbucks logo itself, since it represents a siren. A two tailed mermaid from Greek Mythology that lured sailors to their demise on the rocks they "sang" from. On a side note, another not so Christian Christmas fact is that the siren on the companies cups was graphically topless until 1987 when the company revamped the logo. The original "free spirit" logo was reintroduced in 2006 and again in 2008 to another couple of rounds of controversy within their own rights. All of this hullabaloo about these cups is just another example of self righteous cretins showing off their ignorance for all to see. By having no clue about what they're attempting to spark contention over, they wield they're disregard and unenlightenment like a trophy that their proud of.
Last, but not least, we have the outcry of dissention over November 12th's Thursday night football game between the Bills and the Jets. For those Observers that don't follow football, I'll explain all the fuss. Due to a uniform campaign the NFL has dubbed "Color Rush", the Bills wore uniforms of all red while the Jets wore all green. The helmets were unchanged. Although some critics referred to the spectacle as "a Christmas tree fighting itself on the field" to inject humor into their reporting, what was not found humorous, by some, was when it was discovered that people who suffer from colorblindness found it difficult, some claiming it was impossible, to distinguish between the two teams. Presenting their objections and outrage over the uniforms, the NFL has since apologized and have conceded that certain "changes need to be made". Really?.... I'm sorry.... but, these people are upset because they feel the NFL dissed them because they're colorblind?.... Seriously?!?! My apologies, but maybe I'm unsympathetic because I'm not colorblind and don't know what these people have to deal with on a day to day basis.... or maybe I'm unsympathetic because I know enough about football to know what team is on offense and who is on defense. And maybe.... Oh yeah!....I Can Read! You know those graphic arrows the TV station puts on the field with the team's name on it... including the direction they are going, what down it is and how many yards to go. Who knows what these people would go through if they ever had to listen to a game! That might really confuse them! This type of bellyaching goes well past the point of their condition. Maybe they should swear off sports for their New Year's resolution. They'd be better off without them anyway. I mean, why suffer all these types of hardships just to be a fan?
If there is one thing that we as a society love to do is waste time and effort. We enjoy creating squabbles with each other over absolutely nothing. At the same time that we acknowledge that everyone's opinion matters, we have to choose carefully which of those opinions have enough credence to merit our championing them. At the forefront of our latest round of public contention, our most revered holidays of peace and love are being held hostage by idiocy. It's bad enough we start the season every year within the halls of hypocrisy, let alone argue senselessly with each other over how to celebrate it. Even with our best intentions we fail terribly at practicing what these holidays are meant for. These days would probably be so much easier for us to endure if we didn't pretend to believe in all this peace on earth, good will toward men hallucinations we all seem to think we see. The sad truth is that we're not there yet. We haven't gotten out from underneath this me and mine mentality. We haven't gotten to... .WE....as in all of us, yet. If we ever get there, maybe then we can talk about world peace. We can't even agree on a universal deity or if one actually exists. It amazes me that some of the most peace initiated holidays of the year, celebrated and made prominent by religious practices are riddled with embroilment over the very religion that created them or lack there of. As far as the holidays are concerned, we have plenty of controversy to go around. What seems to be missing from this season every year is acceptance. Strictly an Observation. If you'll excuse me, I need a cup of coffee.
